If only I were that normal Time Jesus stopped exposing himself


Wednesday, July 07, 2004
When bored and pumped with caffeine...

   "CURSE YOU HARRY POTTERRRR...!" screamed Voldermort has the jet of green light hit him directly in the chest.
   Harry had done it. He had defeated the Dark Lord using the very same spell he had used on so many others. Professor Snape... Professor McGonagall... Neville Longbottom... They had all paid a heavy price in the war against magical terror.
   "WE DID IT!! WE DID IT!! WE DEFEATED YOU-KNOW-WHO!" chanted Ron over and over again. "WE DID I..." And Ron fell to the ground, the victorious grin still plastered on the face that never saw it coming. Hermoine automatically veered her head towards where Voldermort's body lay; but it was as lifeless as a blogger writing spoof stories on his laptop in Malaysia. What she saw was the faintest green glow fading off the tip of Harry's wand.
   "Harry, why.." She was cut mid-question by an incantation of "Avada Kedavra!"
  
   "I have done your bidding, master. They are both dead, and our army is ready to overrun the Ministry of Magic," said Harry. "If they knew of our plans, our vision, they would rather have let Voldermort return to full power, eh, Professor Dumbledore?" 
   "Please!" whispered Dumbledore as he sat in his office with the back of his chair facing Harry. "Now that our plans are in full motion, I no longer wish to be called Dumbledore. I have decided to christian myself The Emporer, and you, the Boy-Who-Lived, shall be the new Dark Lord!" Harry said nothing. He was already trying hard to not burst out in a fit of laughter. The Emporer? "Incidentally," added Dumbl..The Emporer, "I no longer wish to call our army Dumbledore's Army. How about Emporer's Army?" 

   "How about The Empire?" suggested Harry, hoping that any name would be better than one sounding like a Chinese restaurant.

   "Not too bad... Has a nice ring to it. And you, dear boy, shall now be known as "Dark Vader"

   Harry groaned, hoping that Voldermort would miraculously resurrect himself and crucio him out of his misery.

   In the months to come, a new terror reigned over the magical community as whole areas were stormed by Durmstorm Troopers equipped with Firebolt Quatro TTs (Automatic Transmission) and rapid firing wands. But what was feared most of all was the Empire's base of operations, a flying wand capable of firing a beam of Avada Kedavra so strong that it kills by the city. This base was called the Death Star, made of Beechwood and phoenix-tail supplied by Ollivander's Fine Wands.

   Meanwhile, at a secret location in the Three Broomsticks (Whoops, I shouldn't have said that...),

   "TWINS!"

   "Yes mum?"

   "No, not you, Fred and George!" said Mrs. Weasley. "Luna's got twins!" And she added with a frown, "Harry's twins. They look exactly like their father, but they have their mother's eyes. Lily's eyes." 
   "But Mrs. Weasley, I am their mother..."
   "Oh. That's right, dear. I forgot."
   
   As Mrs. Weasley was tending to Luna, Lupin and Flitwick were having a discussion over a few mugs of Butterbeer and toast below. "Hear that? Luna had twins. A boy and a girl. Harry's twins too... Knew they didn't call her Luna Love-good for nothing. By the way, how's that counterspell for the Yodacious Curse coming along?"
   "Good not. Improved is Harry Potter. Great Wizard he will be I knew. Although always sensed in him much fear I have."
   "What are we going to do with the children? He will kill them if he found out. Knew we should have had sex ed. classes in Hogwarts..."
   "Separate them we shall. The future Trelawny has foretold. And that rain it will tomorrow."

   And so the twins were sent off in opposite directions, unaware of the future that lies ahead of them, two siblings destined to meet again to bring about a new hope in a land far, far away.

(Hum Star Wars opening theme)    

     
           

G-Sus invoked God's wrath at 05:38 am

Jordan
May 8, 2005   01:03 AM PDT
 
Funny stuff! Although I seriously hope that this is not what's going to happen! Let's not give Miss Rowling any ideas.. =)
G-Sus
July 13, 2004   05:54 AM PDT
 
Thanks (Insert-smiling-smiley)
Jenny
July 9, 2004   11:15 PM PDT
 
haha! that was great. that has just made my day, sad to say, but it has. just thought i'd say something. nice blog by the way. laterz!
 

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This site was formed out of boredom and the intense desire to fast-forward our descent to the lowest level of Hell (We're afraid of heights). Expect perversity, depriviation, brain-rotting stupidity, and the occasional insightful thoughts. We welcome those with an open mind and a sense of humor. Come to think of it, we welcome the other ones as well, since I find pissing those people off to be strangely entertaining... like hot candlewax... and knee-high lace heels... and..uh... got side tracked, sorry. Anyway, we're currently looking for others who think Heaven is as exciting as watching paint dry, or that white is the worst possible fashion color, or those with fantasies of orgies with incubuses, succubuses, Satan, and possibly John the Baptist amid the flickering flames of passion. Or all three.





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G-Sus's Favourite Articles
Eureka! - On why "Jesus is a Cunt". A step-by-step explaination
Chinese Disgrace - Part 1 - It's not racism when you're condemning your own race. Or certain members of your race
Ego feeding - A paper on the possible origins of the Jesus myth written by Yours Truly
Introspection - Some people are Born-again Christians. I got aborted.
Wheeeeee!(d) - An entry dedicated to peace. Really.
When bored and pumped with caffeine... - Final chapter of Harry Potter Book VII revealed
The Chick Tract Menace - Jack Chick should burn in hell
Breakfast Banter - Why Sunday services should always be proceeded with a lavish buffet.
Labies and Genitalmen... - My Very Freudian Interview
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Just When You're So Sure You're Right About Something... - A story about the divinity and love of Christ.
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Visit Malaysia campaigns - Bleh! - Bush and the Malaysian tourism industry
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