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Saturday, May 22, 2004
Its amazing how childhood experiences shape the person you are now... Your outlook, your opinons, your habits... It's been on my mind for some time, but I'm writing it now since I just had a really good conversation about it with a friend at William's last night. Inspiration... that's all it takes...
Even as a kid, I've always had a fascination for the supernatural... But it scared the crap out of me. I would be buying those books and reading them during the day, and lie awake at night immobilized with fear. I kept seeing shadows forming in front of me and the words which I read during the day played over and over in my mind. Hell, it got so bad that I didn't dare go upstairs alone at night. And the lights had to be on when I took my shower during the day. I remember a period where I didn't shampoo my hair because I was too afraid to close my eyes.
Later on, when I was 10 or so, I started attending Buddhist talks and prayers. I was praying every night to the Goddess of Mercy for protection and peace of mind, and yet I still saw the shadows and the voices. Then I started chanting protection mantras in hopes that it'll somehow drive off whatever imagined ghosts waiting to possess or harm me once I closed my eyes. It worked, to a certain extent. Then came the next problem :
In the Buddist texts I read, I was very much influenced by the concept of karma and rebirth and of retribution. I worried over my actions and my thoughts, since thinking rot was considered sinful by certain parties (my dear aunt, for example). It was a torture attending prayers on Sundays telling myself not to think of "dirty stuff" as my parents called it, and seeing pornography reeling through my head.
Then came my friend's mom, who picked me up from school after extra-curricular activities. and she was Christian. She told me (quite point-blank) that I was going to hell. She said that Jesus would come down from Heaven in 1999 (because 1999 reversed is "666" and "1" for the New World Order) and judge mankind. Those who were Christian would join Him in heaven and those who were not (like me) would be banished to hell. Yes, Auntie... thank you once again for the cognitive dissonance.
So there it was... On one side, I was afraid of being reincarnated as a dog or cat or butterfly, and here was someone else telling me that I would spend an eternity burning in fire and brimstone. Worse come to worse, I imagined myself as a dog burning in fire and brimstone (I was 12!). Things got so bad, that whenever I was afraid at night, I couldn't even turn to God for protection because I didn't know which god to pray to!
To further add to my confusion, I was reading Christian and Buddhist texts hoping to find an answer, and found that even the bloody Christians and Buddhists can't agree among themselves.
Salvation came to me in at age 16, when I posted a question regarding eternal damnation on a website. I recieved a reply from this guy who was a member of the Church of Satan. Church of Satan? I replied back, and we later communicated through ICQ, where he explained concepts of LaVeyan Satanism and humanism. So came the answer I was looking for.
There is no third-person God. God is within yourself. You are your own god, and you should live by your values, not those set by others. Most people don't love or respect the God which they pray to... they FEAR it. They fear retribution, they fear punishment. And that was exactly how I felt at the time. Maybe that's why I reject Christianity now. Maybe that's why I (to quote Joy) have a "lack of love for Jesus" because Jesus wanted to send a 12 year old kid to hell simply for not believing in Him!
So here I am now. My favourite section of the Bible, just for the sake of saying it, is Revelations. I've accepted my interests, fetishes, and morbid fascinations as the way I am and nothing to be feeling guilty about (ladyboys are hot!). And I still shower with the lights on.
G-Sus invoked God's wrath at 08:25 pm
 | | | Justin Lee
April 24, 2006 04:24 PM PDT
HAHA... Christians!! | |
| | | Jordan
May 5, 2005 03:30 PM PDT
Hello,
I agree with 'misguided', but I also must point out that this stems from 'misinformed'! It saddens me that you have received the wrong impression and knowledge of Jesus Christ, God and Christianity.. Explaining everything about the Catholicism and what Jesus taught would take too long for a 'comment', but I would like to point at least some things out..
As mentioned in the comment above the present one, the Christian church IS aboud love and forgiveness. Tradition, fellowship, prayer-styles, knowledge and teaching aside - at the core of Christianity is Love and Forgiveness. I am certainly no expert on theology, but I can definitely point out huge flaws in what that 'auntie' told u that day..
When that 'auntie' told u that u were going to hell, I think there was something else that bothered you, which u did not mention. And that was that if you are 'definitely' goin to Hell because you are a non-believer, then this 'auntie' must 'definitely' be going to heaven because she is one! What a false portrayal of true Christianity!
Let me point out how untrue and inconsistent such a belief is.. Jesus was NOT just a guy who walked around 2000 years ago healing the sick in the name of God and teaching God's will to humans. Certainly He did these things, but something that one must understand in thinking about who's going to hell or not is that Jesus came down to earth ultimately to be CRUCIFIED. And why was he crucified? Simply put, he died because of human sin. And, he died FOR human sin. The promise of His crucification is that he took the sin of all humans upon Himself, and Sacrificed himself to God. The crucifixtion was not just a horrible way to die - it marked this sacrifice, that Jesus bore the sin of humanity. And why? Why would this innocent God-man come down here to do this? Because he came down here to SAVE us.. And THIS is what the promise of Salvation means! This is why Jesus is refered to as our sheperd and as the Lamb of God - sheperd for he guides us towards God, and a lamb because he was the ultimate sacrifice for human sin.
You are free to believe these beliefs or not.. But I share this with you to point out that your 'auntie' was blatantly wrong and misinformed.. NOBODY is guaranteed to go to heaven on this earth, Catholic or no. The only way for salvation (according to Christian teaching) is through A)repentence for sin and B)grace from God..
One has to repent for one's sin and come to Jesus and ask for forgiveness. I think your 'auntie' mite have got this part right, but that's not all there is to it. The thing is, Jesus has ALREADY died for our sins. He died for the sins of humanity for the remainder of all time. This means, that even though sin makes God sad, He has already forgiven us because He loves us and wants us to be saved.
Unfortunately, there are some sects within Christianity that think of those that are 'saved' and those that 'aren't'. There is no such thing. We are ALL children of God. We are ALL saved because of Jesus' sacrifice. And we all can enter the gates of Heaven provided we live a life that brings glory to God - for that, I'd have to go into specific teachings of the Catholic church.
You will notice that this is a significant difference between pure breeded Catholics and some other 'Christians'.. A lot of Christian brothers and sisters I know speak of their church doing 'Salvation' work-like talking about brinigng people to church to 'save' them. This is an inappropriate way of thinking of it, because JESUS saves, not people! Catholics, and other followers of what Jesus REALLY taught talk about 'Spreading the Good News of God'. And that Good News is partly made up of what I have shared with you - we are already saved! We just need to repent of sinful ways and try to live good lives.
There is no sin too great that God has not already forgiven. Neither is there someone so Holy that they do not need to repent and pray to God for the graces to live Holy lives. This might surprise you, but the Catholic church CONTINUES to pray to God for the soul of Pope John Paul II. We are pretty sure that he's in heaven, having lived the holy life he did.. But only GOD, and that means no one else, determines who's in and who's out. JESUS saves. Not your 'auntie', not me either. True Christianity is not about self-righteousness - it's about sharing this Good news.
On behalf of my fellow Christian brothers and sisters, I feel I owe you an apology. I am deeply sorry that you were misinformed on Christianity. The only excuse I can offer is that Christianity is the church started by Jesus Christ and God, but it is managed by man. And as you and I both know, man is fallible and will never get it ALL right.
But I urge you to keep seeking the truth. And as Jesus says, "By their fruits you will know them." (Matt 7:16). When evaluating info and knowledge about God from people, keep this in mind. Good fruit can only come from a good tree. Look at the fruit carefully before determining if this is the 'right' tree. And one does not have to be a theologian to see the 'right' tree. If someone is judging you and telling you that you are going to hell, you can be pretty sure that either A) That's one crappy religion or B) This person does not know what he/she is talking about! =) But keep in mind human weakness - nobody is perfect. But I can vouch for Catholicism - it's teachings are ALL good and are true to what Jesus and God taught. Keeping that in mind, Christianity also admits that it is certainly impossible to fully grasp the nature of God and Jesus. We admit that we will never know everything there is to it in this lifetime. The promise is that all will be revealed when our time on Earth is over.
And that, is what Faith is all about. Take care. | |
| | | Neither Friend Nor Foe
April 13, 2005 06:01 PM PDT
Such a misguided soul.
In your confusion, angst and anxiety, you turned to the side that told you what you wanted to hear.
I do not stand for Christians who self-righteously condemn other people to hell (when they should damn well look into their own hearts first). I do believe in God and Jesus.
As far as I know, Christianity is about love and forgiveness. He didn't want to send the 12-yr old you to hell because you didn't believe in him. He would want you to get a chance to know Him first.
Satan will do anything to make you hate God. Harbouring hate will only serve to destroy one person. Not God. Not Jesus. But yourself. Not in the afterlife but now.
Can you honestly tell yourself that you have peace. Can you honestly say you know what love is (and I don't mean sex or attraction to the opposite sex). Because until you know what love really means, then you won't know what life is all about. And Satan is going all out of his way to keep you in the dark. He wants you to think you're happier that way.
But are you really.
At night, is there an emptiness in your heart? Or the sneaky suspicion that no one loves you or is genuinely your friend?
God/Jesus did not give up on you. You gave up on yourself. It just looks better when you put on this 'I don't give a fuck' facade.
Go ahead, it's your life to live the way you want. But it doesn't have to be like this. But if you want some REAL answers. Ask or talk to someone who isn't bent on tearing you apart.
There's a good reason for you to be here. Find it. Find your purpose in life.
You sound like an intelligent person. Misguided. But intelligent. It would be such a waste.
Take care.
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DisclaimerThis site was formed out of boredom and the intense desire to fast-forward our descent to the lowest level of Hell (We're afraid of heights). Expect perversity, depriviation, brain-rotting stupidity, and the occasional insightful thoughts. We welcome those with an open mind and a sense of humor. Come to think of it, we welcome the other ones as well, since I find pissing those people off to be strangely entertaining... like hot candlewax... and knee-high lace heels... and..uh... got side tracked, sorry. Anyway, we're currently looking for others who think Heaven is as exciting as watching paint dry, or that white is the worst possible fashion color, or those with fantasies of orgies with incubuses, succubuses, Satan, and possibly John the Baptist amid the flickering flames of passion. Or all three.
Pictures (Only plays once)
The Crew (cifixion):
G-Sus - Click for Friendster!
MSN : moocifer666@hotmail.com
Xenojesus
ee-sus
jcesus
TheAlterEgoOfTheOneWhoHate-sus(Cruci-Fiction's self-appointed Devil's Advocate, or so to speak.)
Jesus Cries - Click for Personal blog
Recommended Reading for First-Time Visitors The Inaugrual Post..... On Your Knees! G-Sus's Favourite Articles Eureka! - On why "Jesus is a Cunt". A step-by-step explainationChinese Disgrace - Part 1 - It's not racism when you're condemning your own race. Or certain members of your raceEgo feeding - A paper on the possible origins of the Jesus myth written by Yours Truly Introspection - Some people are Born-again Christians. I got aborted. Wheeeeee!(d) - An entry dedicated to peace. Really.
When bored and pumped with caffeine... - Final chapter of Harry Potter Book VII revealed
The Chick Tract Menace - Jack Chick should burn in hell Breakfast Banter - Why Sunday services should always be proceeded with a lavish buffet.
Labies and Genitalmen... - My Very Freudian Interview
An open letter to the Thumpers - Bible Thumpers are stupid. Here's why.
I'm feeling like a Gothic Poet tonight - Gothic poetry at it's best.
Just When You're So Sure You're Right About Something... - A story about the divinity and love of Christ.
Cruci-Face it... - My thoughts on suicide.
My Storybook Assignment (Part 1 of 2) - What it says.
My Storybook Assignment (Part 2 of 2) - My favourite part of the story
Chick Tracts can be fun! - No, really... It can be
Visit Malaysia campaigns - Bleh! - Bush and the Malaysian tourism industry
Free Wallpaper! - No hidden charges
WeLagSEx Archives (Click on the pilot episode to find out what it is)
Pilot
Episode 2
Episode 3
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