She asks to take a break to break you up
Her reasons, a deceptive cadence
Her underlying meaning I need not dictate
She plays with her words
the Fibo-nazi Antisemantic

One thing I'm sure to bet, Sir
is that you'll rue the day you met her
For her beauty, her biggest asset
Will make you the biggest ass yet.

She is but a child so coy
You are but to her a toy
Which she would soon outgrow
And what happens to old toys,
you poor bastard?
They wind up in the dumpster,
Discarded

But don't get me wrong
I write no bitter song.
Against her I cast no ill
For she is free to act upon her will.
But the next in line, I urge you some care
In this case of Buyer Beware.

So, as you can see,
To find another; she is free
For the world is but a tree
Oozing with more sap like me.

Her neck was smooth and white, like a sheet of plastic
Stretched taut and tight, and just as elastic
A familiar sight, reminiscent of a Dinty Moore
Which, when punctured, seeps an ooze of gore

My heart was beating in my breast
As the blade broke through her chest
A crunchy cracking through bone
Like the crust of a fresh calzone

From her scalp I tear
Vast handfuls of Angel Hair
“To the teeth,” so they say
As if they grew out al dente

As dessert, after the main
I start picking at her brain
Smooth and flavorful, with some gusto
It beats the finest Italian gelato

She is, if I were to rate
a perfect dinner date
Not a cheap can of Boyardee
In a word, corpus delicti

… to unite the bride and groom in marriage

In her wedding dress, white as a dove
Her hand so soft, in that satin glove
As I stood on the altar
I thanked the heavens above
For blessing me, with my one true love.

The union you are about to enter today is the closest and most tender of all relationships in which human beings can come

I have traveled the world, many a place I have been
But never have I been happier than to be beside
The woman whom I made my bride

But now to the other side I must go
Three weeks or less, the doctor told me so
Though bewrought with fear, I must persevere
To be stronger for those whom I hold dear

Love never fails, never fades out, never becomes obsolete or comes to an end

I picture her leaving
The doors unlocked for me
She had come to understand
That I’d always forget my key

I picture her making
Double the food she needs
And then realizing
I’m down feeding the weeds

I picture her looking
At the photographs from a happier time
Always together
My hand in hers, her hand in mine

I picture her alone
In a house now cold
Reminiscing of the plans we made
For when we both got old

I picture the situation in reverse
Of if my wife had left me first
How I must live in sorrow
In a life just waiting for tomorrow

Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in
health, and forsaking all others keep her and only her as long as you both shall live?

I remember our wedding vows,
That if she’d live a thousand years
Then I would live a thousand, less one day
To spare me of the tears

I should have asked what she would have thought
But she makes nary a peep
But it is to be expected
Since I decapitated her in her sleep

You may kiss the bride



**Written as a defensive relex against a rather touching poem I read - Left Alone at Eighty by Alice Robbins

If you think the scenarios of sentient technology is an inflated load of bunk, you're wrong. The following conversation shows that not only did the object in question achieve sentience, it also made a rational decision to escape pain and suffering. Note that for the privacy of my sister and the benefit of my reproductive organs, "cpy" is not neccessarily a username that my sister uses. The other usernames are my own.

cpy says:
anyway, my thumbdrive flew off my room window and i think a cat took it away

...

cpy says:
useless bugger
If at first you can't suck seed; try, try again says:
thats going to be my new nick
cpy says:
'useless bugger?'
Sister : "anyway, my thumbdrive flew off my room window and i think a cat took it away " says:
no... this
cpy says:
botol!
cpy says:
get rid of it!

...

Sister : "anyway, my thumbdrive flew off my room window and i think a cat took it away. useless bugger. " says:
how did the thumbdrive "fly" of the window?
cpy says:
uhmmm.....
cpy says:
i dunno!
cpy says:
i didnt do anything!!!
cpy says:
it just... jumped!
cpy says:
like this (.gif image of person jumping off building)


So as you can see, the thumbdrive obviously not only achieved mobility, but also sentience since it made a rational decision to commit suicide. It preferred death to being jam-packed with pictures of my sister's friends and random nude drawings of t.A.t.U.

It is also significant to mention that thumbdrives are also called "Jump drives"

God*, I kill myself sometimes.


* Sentient, Omnipresent, Transcendent Being or Beings not neccessarily in our image nor benevolent . May or may not be involved with humanity post-creation.